For the last 8 weeks I've been following the Artist's Way and faithfully waking up each morning to do the morning pages and the other exercises in the book to help me explore and renew my creativity. The program truly works, and it's the best thing I've done (and I've done it several times)...
But as was always the case I started to sputter out and run out of steam in doing the work, sleeping in later, and not doing the exercises, and I couldn't quite figure out why until I realized that as I get deeper and deeper into the exercises I'm forced to confront my own issues, and to deal with things going on in my own life that I haven't been dealing with. The process forces me to be honest with myself or it just doesn't work, and I was scared. Some part of me was frightened to be going down this road and it was easier to fail at something I loved and cherished than face down my own fears.
Specifically, I have a hard time delaying gratification. If there's something I want, I have a hard time being told that I have to wait, and instead of actually waiting for it, or working towards it I often try and bargain my way into having it now. I recognized that that trait plays the most signifigant part in why I've racked up so much debt, and why we spend a lot more money than I would really like. It's also probably a good deal of the reason why I'm overweight.
So this morning I recommitted myself to doing the morning pages and the Artist's Way so I can face these issues and clear them up. If I can't be honest about myself, and my faults, then I can't grow, and the issues that seem to hang me up now will demonize me forever, and that's just something I can't accept, no matter how scary it is to confront.
