It's almost bed time, and Owen's sitting up here in the bedroom with me. We're listening to "Fade Into You" by Mazzy Star, which is on it's way to becoming classic rock...how long ago did that song debut?
Owen's chilling out up here because mommy took his hammer away that he was using to beat on everything. I'm up here because it's been one of those two weeks.
There's all sorts of shit going on at work, my responsibilities changing and growing and shifting, and some friends left for better opportunities. I'm really sad about that. Life intervened and presented them with choices, and they made their's. I'm still sad though. You work for a while with a group of people and any more, they become your family; many times the only reason you get up and go to work is to see them.
Now I'm going to have those two less reasons to go. I love my job most times, and I enjoy what I do, and I'm sure we'll find very good people to replace them, but it's not the same.
A couple of times I've stopped at work and wondered "Why am I so scatter-brained? Why do I feel so grayed out and fuzzy? Why am I so depressed?" I look over at my friend's desk and remember why, and get back to work.
I'm absolutely terrible about keeping in touch with old friends, especially when I don't see them every day. Moving to Philadelphia two years ago to get closer to my job sucked so bad because I was moving to a place without friends, without family, without connection, to an area with none of the comforts of home.
I had good friends at MortgageRamp, but the company kept threatening to implode so I made my goodbyes and left. I talk to almost no one there now.
And so now, at my present company, I make good friends, and we then they start to leave again. I've got friends moving to Florida, getting married and losing themselves in jobs and marriages, and now, again, friends leaving. I know not every acquaintance lasts forever, and not all friends stay in touch forever, but goddamit...
Maybe we need to move back to Harrisburg, and back to family, and back to my old friends.
I hate feeling this alone.
Comments (7)
Hey man;
hang tuff brotha! yer not alone! in fact, if you check yer inbox you should see something from someone you knew a long time ago. Hope this warms yer spirits.
warmest regards,
an old friend...
Posted by Greg | July 21, 2005 12:51 AM
Posted on July 21, 2005 00:51
Maurice, even though I'm not close by anymore doesn't mean I care any less. I'm always here. You know that. And I know it isn't the same. When my best friend moved away in the 8th grade, I thought to myself, "She might as well be dead because I know I'll never see her again." And then 13 years later, she got married and I got to see her for the first time just before her wedding day. In all those years, any time we called one another it was as if no time had passed at all. And even though I don't get to see her often, I am so lucky to have her in my life. It's hard to come by those kind of friends.
We won't drift a part. Even if you may have a hard time staying in touch, I have always been good about it. How do you think Erica and I stayed friends? Thank God the girl has e-mail! She was terrible at letter writing.
I promise to make a trip up between McKenna and Owen's birthday. Just tell me what weekend is good for Heather and you.
Posted by Laura | July 21, 2005 8:43 AM
Posted on July 21, 2005 08:43
you are NOT alone.. so long as i have internet connection!!!! For real, I think you and I talk more via IM than we ever have been able to face to face.. ' course, face to face we usually have Brian-Deputy-Dewey-Boy to interrupt us so that may be the problem... While i'd welcome the chance to see you and the wifey and the lil 'uns... DON't COME BACK TO the H-Burg!!! NO..no...NO..nO....Noooo...
it's just like Godfather III... you got out, don't let this place drag you back in!!!
I am sorry that you feel so alone dude.. it's rough... but you cling tight to the good things.. ( namely that good wife and 2 .. count 'em 2 adorable and healthy and overall FABOO babies!!!)
Chin up dude...
it's bomb time in london.. again.. sigh..
Posted by Chris | July 21, 2005 10:15 AM
Posted on July 21, 2005 10:15
A long time ago, in a land far away (Rider I think it was called). . . I remember sitting in a "friend's" room and having the door banged on so hard, I thought it would come off of it's cheap Rider hinges. The door swung open and a mountain of a man walked in dressed in a coat (that looked like he should have been in Alaska, not Jersey) shorts, sandals and the hat I don't think he ever took off. He spoke just 4 words, while I sat on the futon with him towering over "Wanna go to dinner?".
Well through the good times (Wookie through the wall) and the bad times (having a heart can suck!) I never forgot something he wrote in a card, he made just for me, about how "it's hard to find friends as wonderful, understanding, loving, cool, compassionate, much fun, forgiving. . ." Now it is my turn to thank you for being my friend.
Maurice, you will always be in my heart. You will always be my Cyrano de Bobo, my Bubba, my friend.
Say "hello" to Heather and the kids for me.
Posted by Kerry | July 23, 2005 11:42 AM
Posted on July 23, 2005 11:42
Dude! I so relate to this post. Like you, Most times I feel like a stranger in a strange land. In contrast, tho', I find it difficult to make friends due to my rather cut-and-dry views on life, the universe and everything.
Although I don't think of myself as a radical, that is how many people view me after a while. Maybe I should be seeking work in an activist-like setting, where other like-minded "radicals" (grin!) might have an easier time relating to the things I think and say.
Remember me? I'm the one who ordered the "half-price" beer in Harrisburg... 8-D
Posted by Richard | July 25, 2005 3:31 PM
Posted on July 25, 2005 15:31
Maurice,
I've had to remind myself more than once of a certain teacher who mad a stupid comment (all the way back in high school). He said that he was SURE that all the students sitting in front of him would not only have "new" friends by the end of the year, but they'd no longer keep in contact with the friends they already had and that this cycle would repeat itself through their college years as well. Well, not only was that teacher a royal ass, but he was wrong. It's been more than a decade now and we're still friends. We've had all the ups and downs one might expect from a friendship that long but one thing remains constant (and I KNOW, you know this but a simple reminder always helps), I will ALWAYS be there for you and I know you will ALWAYS be there for me. Life has an annoying tendency to get in the way of things you'd like to be doing but I know that we'll always be able to make time for our friendship. Just look at all these posts! You are not alone and I know you never will be.
"No man who has friends is a failure."...and you sir are CERTAINLY not a failure.
Your Friend for Life...
-Brian-
(Deputy-Dewey-Boy?--That just hurts...)
Posted by Brian | July 26, 2005 7:29 AM
Posted on July 26, 2005 07:29
You just are having a pitty party here. buck up little camper! and remember you always have family in Bean Town.
-MB-H
Posted by Hobbit | July 27, 2005 1:57 PM
Posted on July 27, 2005 13:57