Guilty As Charged

So I was in the District Court yesterday arguing against my speeding ticket before District Justice Manlove. It was short. It was quick. I went in picturing myself Tom Cruise in 'A Few Good Men'. I came out feeling like Tom Arnold in 'McHale's Navy'.

Apparently, Officer Morrow writes a lot of tickets. Not only does he write a lot of tickets, but he was ready for me before I even walked in the door.

I arrived 5 minutes before the trial and the judge and the officer was standing outisde talking, waiting for me. It was a gorgeous day outside. I was wearing my nicest suit, glinting charcoal in the sun, with the light gray Italian silk tie my grandmother had brought me the last time she visited from Germany.

I walked in and announced myself to the receptionist and she directed me where to sit. I waited about a minute before the police officer came in. Already I could feel my insides jumping and lighting up, electric and almost, like yellow...

"Mr. Reeves?"
"Yes sir?" I stood.
"Can I speak with you a moment?"
"Absolutely sir."
"I took the liberty of reviewing my notes for a moment and I can cut you a deal. I can take away everything, but how about we cut it down to 2 points, and you pay about $100?"
"Hmm, well sir, I appreciate the offer sir, but I honestly don't believe I was speeding, and I'd like to take the opportunity to present my case."
"That's your choice."
"Yessir."
"Alright then."

And so we sat and waited for the judge to enter. Within minutes, Justice Manlove entered and we both rose again. The trial was underway. I planted both hands on the table in front of me to stop them from shaking. I was nervous. I get very nervous around people of authority, and I either become completely cowed or start swinging. I guess today I was bovine. MOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

Every point I had, Officer Morrow was ready to counter. The man was a 300 pound legal ninja in a utility belt.

• "Your honor, according to Title 75 of the PA Code, it is illegal for the police to clock someone's speed within 500 feet of a speed limit sign indicating a decrease in speed."
  "I have here a laminated Engineer's report that shows that I was situated 1000 feet past the last speed limit sign."


• "The Commonwealth of PA requires an Accutrak system to be tested by a certified vendor every year that it's in use."
  
• "I have here a laminated certificate showing that the unit I used was tested one month before you were caught. I also have a copy of the license for the vendor from the Commenwealth authorizing them to test these units."

Eventually I felt defeated, deflated, and beaten. Obviously, since this man's written over 8600 tickets he knows what he's doing, I wasn't going to beat him, regardless of my legal fantasies.

I got into the stand, rambled for a few minutes, bascially begged the judged to let me go, got down off the stand just to hear him say "I find in favor of the State."

The day wasn't a total wash. It only cost me a few more dollars to try my hand at the court, and it was a fun experience, loss aside. I got to learn about myself.

Maybe next time, I'll be better....and hire a lawyer.