I had a great, very deep night of sleep last night, with no interruptions at all. I feel bad for Heather that I sleep so deeply some nights and she gets stuck with having to take care of the kids at night, but taking the Topamax (and the trileptal still at night as well), I'm not able to wake up most nights except under extreme circumstances like someone's giving me a Prince Albert piercing whilst I snooze.
I had my EEG this morning. This would mark my 3rd, though this was by far the most thorough. It was very trippy at parts. I sat in the recliner and they attached the electrodes to my head through the gritty gel-like stuff and then said "If it's possible, we'd like you to fall asleep." at which point I remember hearing "Good, now we need you to wake up, and the EEG's almost over." Excuse me? Where'd the last 45 minutes go? Jesus. The topamax is beating me the hell up.
I'm nervous about the results of the EEG, and scared about what they might show. It feels voyeuristic to peer into my brain while I sleep. I don't feel like I should know what's going on in my own head while I sleep, but I secretly DO want to know, hence the voyeurism of it all. I wanted instant information turnaround, but the technician said that I'd have to wait a week to hear back.
I'm not ready to be epileptic. I'm not ready to have my license taken away from me, and be chained to this medication forever. I couldn't remember my discount number at Rite-Aid last night. This morning, thinking about writing about this post, I spent 5 minutes in the car panicked because I couldn't recall the word 'simultaneous'. It's not as if the word's not there any more. I can tell it's still there, but the Topamax has set up these big giant roadblocks in my brain, and now I have to drive my thoughts down different synapses to get where I was going. It sucks, and I hate it.
But if it controls the seizures, I have to do it.
Or do I?
I've been thinking about exploring some alternative methods, including lots more exercise, accupuncture, meditation, and others. As always, I'll let you know.
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