Goodbyes

I went to the funeral on Friday and said my goodbyes to Jack. I feel really bad for Randy. He's lost his best friend. We're young enough to not have to think about that possiblity yet, but what does that really mean? How does your life change when you lose your best friend? Does it lose subtle shades of joy? Do you laugh at things that are funny and start to think "I can't wait to share that with...oh..." It's like you're at once less connected to the Earth, and yet even less capable of taking flight.

I lost my dad, and I know what that loss feels like. A best friend is very different kind of loss, and one that will hit me very hard when it does happen. I was very mad at my friend Brian on Friday because he's one of my best friends, and I wanted to see him so badly on Friday. He knew Jack, and loved him nearly as much as I did, and should have been there to say his goodbyes as well. But Brian had to work. I know that Brian had to work I can respect that. Jack would have respected that. Everyone respected that. But I wanted my best friend there. I wanted to lean on my best friend while I contemplated what it was like to lose a best friend. I haven't seen Brian in so long, it would have been nice for once to have him at my side and think, "I haven't lost him yet, he's still here".