Dear Buttmunch in the Mercedes,
I know that you feel that now that you're in your 20's and you've got a Mercedes, you've blown up, and this is the big time. I guess that makes you assume you can confidently cruise below the speed limit in the left-hand lane talking to Buffy and Biff on your cellphone and sip your latté, all the while playing with the doodads and gadgets in your shiny new car.
It doesn't.
It also doesn't give you the right to get mad when I take the initiative, pass you on the right and get in front of you. It also doesn't give you the right to pull up next to me on the highway, endangering other people by yelling at me and weaving in and out of lanes.
I don't know. Maybe you expected me to be scared that you were inching closer to my car, or you that your perfect Gap-model acne-free face scrunched up in pent-up yuppie rage would make me quake in my boots for fear of pissing off "the man"...
But to throw your latte out the window at me just makes you a complete ass. I don't know if you thought that would prove a point ("Don't drive in front of me, or I'll cover your car in frothy milk") or that it would show me that you mean business, but you failed.
Listen up Poindexter: you're an ass, and you adequately proved it.
I could have had a gun. I could have been a seriously homicidal. I could have followed you to wherever you were going and beat the shit out of you. You're a twig, and I would have snapped you across my knee. I could have been a police officer, or had the police go to your house and arrest you.
But most importantly, you solved nothing. If I see you on the road tomorrow and you're driving in the left lane like a dickface again, I'm going to do the same thing, and I'll do it over and over and over again, and I'll let you scream and holler and piss and moan, and I'll keep giving you the finger.
It's stupid to get that worked up about someone else in traffic, but then, based on your behavior, should I have expected any less from you?
I wish I could say you were the only one who faced complete asses on the road. I feel like I encounter people like that on a daily basis. When I was 19 or so on my way to work, some middle-aged man was screaming and yelling like a lunatic at me at a red light. When I refused to acknowledge his existence, he got out of his car and tried to open my passenger side door. Luckily, I always keep my doors locked. Granted he had a right to be angry with me. I was coming off a ramp at the bottom of a hill and when pulling out, I didn't see him coming over the hill. It was purely an accident. I didn't mean to pull out in front of him but I didn't see him coming.
About a year ago, I was going through a toll on the Parkway during rush hour. If you've ever been on the parkway on your way home from work in rush hour, then you know you have at least 3 lanes of traffic merging into one lane once you get through the tolls on the left hand side. I happened to have been in the middle lane so I had to merge with vehicles on both the left and right hand side of me. Everyone knows when merging you are supposed to allow a car in front of you. Since I was in the middle, I allowed a car to my right and a car on the left in front of me. Apparently, the guy behind the woman to the right of me was not happy that I did not allow him in front of me as well. He revved his engine, and hung part of his body outside of his window so that he could bang on the back of my truck and scream at me.
What is wrong with people? I am stuck in the same amount of traffic as that guy. What makes him any better than me that he doesn't think he has to allow people to merge in front of him?
I think the roads are too congested in our area and people have absolutely no patience for one another or any respect for other drivers on the road. I think it's time for me to move to an area that is less populated and more laidback. Driving is no longer an enjoyable experience for me in the north.
I just wanted to chime in with a kudos for being the first listed google-entry for buttmunch, and for summing up how I feel about far too many drivers these days.
I am a buttmunch...aND MY BUTT ITCHY!
this lettter is stupid
hi hanna i know