Thank God!

I for one, am glad. I for one, am ecstatic, that this has finally happened: W Ketchup, the only truly Republican Ketchup in the world. I always felt a little guilty that I was sending a mixed message to my kids when I would sit down to eat a good American meal, and cover my freedom fries with Heinz ketchup. Would they understand that it was necessity that drove me to do that? You can't have good old American foods off the grill WITHOUT ketchup, now can you? Why, that would be un-American. But then the neighbors started asking questions: "How could I support Dubya while I give money to John Kerry?"

It almost looked like I was going to have to give up ketchup altogether for the cause, but thank God for capitalism, someone has saved me from my condiment-less hell. That's right, W Ketchup is the ketchup for me.

Now, if only they'll hurry up with the mustard.