Dear Dad...or whoever Jimmy is

Hey everyone! My dad figured out how to use the internet up in Heaven, because he sent me the following message (and this is straight from him, I didn't doctor it in anyway):

hey maurice, its your dad

i just wanted to tell you that it's about time you move out of the basement and get ur own house or apartment or cardboard box. I mean, ur 40 years old and you need a real job. I'm tired of you making these stupid post sites about stuff that doesn't matter and start making money to support yourself. Your mother cries herself to sleep everynight worrying "will our son ever accomplish anything" and i have to give an honest answer and say "no our son is a complete loser, he will never have a real job and will never move out of the basement". With that said... I love you son

PS. Your subscription to Playgirl expired so if you want to continue recieving that magazine then give me the money and i will buy you a new subscription

It's really sweet of my dad to write me after he died, but I have to say that his spelling and grammar really suck now. I mean, he used he can't spell "your", but has to use "ur", hasn't figured out how to capitalize the letter "I" when used in the singular tense, he missed the space in "every night", and he's got me confused with some guy living his parent's basement. Damn dad, what happened to you?

You know what I really think happened? I think that a 12-year-old boy thought he'd be clever and put a post on my website to mock me and thought that using my father would be a good vehicle to do so. He, of course, had to include references to me being gay, which is *yawn* I'm sorry, is that offensive still?

Sometimes, I think that the internet needs a licensing system, like the roads, so only kids above 16 could surf the web. But then, where would we get our misogyny, homophobia, and neanderthal behavior fixes?

Jimmy, or whatever your name really is, go read a book. Think for a minute, and grow a brain. Right now, your parents really are crying, and so am I, because I just looked for the future of America, and all I found was you.