It's easy to focus on the bad things that happen in the family when we're in the house with all of them for several days. A home begins to feel like a cage, and all the ugliness builds up until someone, or everyone, has an eruption. It's nasty and painful and further sours the family relationship.
The problem is that many times, people have deeper issues that they're dealing with when they start arguments, or get involved in arguments. A ruined pot roast becomes a beacon for those deeper issues, and without naming the issue that's deep down, they far exceed what's acceptable for the ruined dinner and turn nasty.
The question that I struggle with is this: is it acceptable to name the deeper issue and try to confront the issue head on, or should each person seek out their own way of dealing with the family bones we're all chewing on?
As I sit here and type this, I think it's better that each person seek out a therapist and learn the tools they need to deal with the toxicity they face in their own families. You can't force healing and change on another person, and shining light on an issue in front of the whole family probably will not fix anything. And that stinks. But it's true...
I don't mean to be down this soon after Christmas, but this has just been something on my mind from before Christmas. Not even because of my in-laws or my own family. They've been great. I don't even remember why this train of thought left the station. It just did. So I figured I'd follow it to it's destination.