Bailed

So I had to bail on a friend this past weekend. I was supposed to go with him and others to a hunting cabin up in the woods. I wanted to go but...

Friday night I had to go pick up my cat at the vet and drop $500 to get my cat back. He was sick and took a week's worth of work to make him better. That's quite a shock to the pocketbook.

When I balanced my responsibilities and what I felt I needed to do with what I wanted to do (go to the cabin) I didn't feel like I could spend my own money on something that I would enjoy. It sucks, and I've felt awful since then, especially from letting my buddy down, ESPECIALLY from letting him down.

You know, I sit down sometimes and I look at my kids and see not only them in their current angelic forms, but I also see them in the future needing braces, needing a car, needing tuition, all the clothes and books and things that they will need, and I stop breathing for a few moments. I don't want to eat dinner anymore just to make sure that they eat enough. I work in a city surrounded by all manner of fabulous foods that I would love to try, and I'm packing Hot Pockets and sandwiches and navel oranges (5 for $1) to ensure that if I see something that my kids need when I'm out, I can buy it. I'm wearing shirts that are full of holes and I haven't bought new underwear in a while (sorry, probably TMI), and the only reason I got contacts was because they're free under my medical plan. I promised myself many years ago I would never buy clothes from Wal-Mart, but now I'm looking at K-Mart and Kohls because it helps me know that I'm saving money for my kids.

I'm sure he's pissed. He has every reason to be pissed. I just wish that I could help him see it from my side.