(AP Newswire) - April 17, 2006 - On condition of anonymity, a technician at the hospital working with Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes revealed that ultrasounds taken a few weeks ago revealed that Katie Holmes is not actually carrying a baby, but L. Ron Hubbard himself.
"We were all surprised because we expected a baby, but there was this wrinkled old man in there with a typewriter. He was banging away at it."
When asked if Ms. Holmes knows she's carrying the thought-to-be-deceased controversial author and founder of Scientology in her womb, the technician was emphatic: "No! Tom told her she had to wear a blindfold and ear plugs during the ultrasound to block out 'negativity'. He then threatened to kill us and feed us to his children if we told anyone what we saw."
"So why did you come forward?"
"Honestly, I'm a god-fearing person, and this just has me scared and worried. Tom Cruise got on the phone when he saw it and called all his scientology buddies and started laughing maniacally. I haven't been to work since. I've just been down at the church praying."
Further efforts to corroborate this fantastic tale have not been succesful.
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