Dear Shithead,
Thank you for contacting me recently regarding your concerns for the health of myself and my children. I appreciate your desire to help me, and trust that I know your admonitions about my intelligence, upbringing, financial well-being, weight, and...uhm...skankness come from the heart.
I hope, however, that you, as clearly someone who works in the mental health industry assisting other sad sacks as myself, will understand when I must correct you on a few points. I pray you do not take umbrage.
Please note, I see from your IP address that you live in Toronto, Canada, and as such, I will try to frame my responses in such a manner as to be easier for you to understand.
First of all, if you must know, I live here, which is 1,120 miles away from here. I'd heard good things about the Canadian education system, but praytell, may I suggest you hit the geography books a little more. Please, I do not mean to offend, only to educate.
Also, I would have converted that 1,120 miles into whatever wacky measurement system you're using these days (I think it's beaver pelts), but I can't find anything that converts miles to Canadian standard beaver pelts online. But I'm sure you can do the math.
Also, I can assure you that I have showered recently, as recently as this morning in fact, so I am not filthy. I'm not sure if you know this, but it's not snowing or icy yet here in the United States, so we still have running water! The pipes haven't frozen here yet! Most Americans regularly bath, sometimes twice a day.
Don't worry for yourself though, I'm sure some fisherman will cut a whole in the ice covering Lake Scugog up north of you and you'll be able to bath for the winter. I'm sure that it's almost as good as a hot shower with soap.
And finally, I must commend you on knowing what a salad is, living in Canada. As far as I'd heard, the only things green in Canada are the pine trees and the US dollars you crazy Canuncks crave so badly. I didn't think you'd know what a green leafy vegetable is, but I commend you sir or madam, for your obviously extensive worldly knowledge.
If you must really know, my son and daughter both eat their vegetables, including salads, and enjoy them, and neither of them suffer from the same weight problems I or you or your mother does. Please also be assured that I am exercising and have lost 30 lbs in the last 3 months, and plan to continue the weight loss, especially with your inspiring words of encouragement ringing in my ears.
Thanks again for contacting me, and for going a whole sentence with using the words 'hooser' and 'eh', and take care.
Sincerely,
Maurice Reeves
30 pounds in three months? Congrats! Please do tell me your secret :)
Also, isn't it interesting that it's socially unacceptable to use racial slurs against nationalities, women and people of color (and increasingly, gay and lesbian people) ... but that it's perfectly okay to discriminate on the basis of economics ... poor white trash ... low income white Americans are the only group that everyone else gets to dump on.
And usually it's the rich white trash who does the dumping.
Andrea, I'm exercising, eating more fruit, veggies, and higher fiber foods like oatmeal, raisins, etc, and I'm working on the new house we just bought.
I always figure that the people who resort to using slurs and insults are those that feel threatened and weak, or pathetic in some way, and therefore will use whatever scares them the most to attack someone else.
Ok, let me just say this: I have recently moved to Toronto from Philadelphia, and this place downright sucks. People are rude, snobby, full of themselves - all around assholes...SO busy telling other people how to live their lives that theirs is a far cry from healthy and happy. If it weren't for the situation I'm currently in that forces me to stay in this godforsaken place, I would move back home where people are nice and considerate. My favorite is how they think their medical system is perfect - meantime, everyone has to get supplemental insurance similar to the States so that they can get a decent doctor. Oh, and nothing like the 'all purpose' doctor that claims to be a specialist in everything from your tonsils to you genitals. Have a sore throat? Open wide! Have bleeding between periods? Hop up on the table, I can do that too! Hold a door for someone, and do they say thank you? No. Do they hold doors for you? No. Do they say they are sorry when they are steamrolling people on the sidewalk? Of course not. Whenever I meet someone nice and genuine, they are NEVER from here. Wonder why that is...
'Poor White Trash Hater'- you can take your comments and shove them up your socialist ass. No doot aboot it, fer sher. Jerk.
WAIT, I thought of more! Oh how lovely the postal system here in Canada is. First of all, when you mail something within the country, it takes 5 days to get to its destination. If you mail something to the States, it takes double to triple that. If you get any mail from anywhere outside of Canada, they read it. Yes, that's right. They open up your mail or packages - searching and reading for what, I don't know. Then they wrap it back up with plastic and duct tape and try and pretend that its ok that they shredded your package to bits - by marking it with some scribbled signature. As if a signature was the 'ok' stamp for invasion of privacy. Order something from an online store, and the post office holds your package until you come and PAY for it. What happened to the convenience of ordering things and having them delivered to your door? No - one has to drive out to some post office in east bumblefuck which is nowhere even close to your home...passing 5 other post offices on the way...to pick up your package and pay duties and other fucking taxes on it. No wonder Amazon.ca is pathetic. Compare amazon.com to amazon.ca. It's quite amusing.
Let's talk about the banks! Oh, yes, the banks. The banking system is pretty much where the US banking system was 20 years ago. It takes 15 days for a foreign currency check to 'go through.' That's right. 15 days. They admit this openly. They still charge you for checking and savings accounts, and for every transaction you can think of. Transfer money from YOUR OWN checking to savings? Charged. Cash withdrawal? Charged. Online banking? Yeah right. Good luck. When I have to make a deposit, I have to stand in line for 30 minutes like my mom did when I was 5, and then it takes 15 minutes for them to stamp all 400 copies of the deposit, and GET APPROVAL from a manager. WTF? They have to be kidding.
But they aren't kidding. This is a serious matter. It's ALWAYS a serious matter. No joking, no laughing - no enjoying yourself allowed.