Going Dark This Weekend

I am going dark this weekend. I will not connect to the internet. I will not listen to the radio. I will not watch TV. I will turn off all forms of communication with the outside world and sequester myself in my house. Why?

Because on Friday night I pickup my copy of the final Harry Potter book and I dare not risk some spoiling motherf***er ruining the ending for me.

Oh you may laugh, but leaked copies of the book are already showing up on BitTorrent networks as we speak.

The last thing I need is for some tempting news story to roll across my RSS reader like

"Bill Gates and Steve Jobs photographed in South Beach holding hands; Office 2007 for Mac released early"

only to have it link to some page with 72 point font proclaiming "Voldemort is Harry's Father and Harry kills Ron!" because then I will have to find said asshat and beat them.

And I'm certainly not going to let some shitard on TV or the radio try to spoil the ending for me like Rosie O'Donnell did with "Fight Club". Sorry Andy, for bringing up your GF and all, but what she did was uncalled for.

So, email me all you want. Email me about a million bucks lying on the street free for the taking. Call me, text me, do whatever the hell you want. I won't respond. This weekend, I don't exist.

(And so help me God, if I so much as see a skywriter or airplane pulling a streamer near my house I will shoot it out of the sky, and I will unleash the dogs of war on anybody with a megaphone within a mile of my house, no questions asked.)