Dear China,
Thanks for all of the swell products you've made through the last few years on the cheap. I don't want you to think we don't appreciate all you've done, but this year, we're going to have to stop buying anything Chinese-made.
Problems started early this year when we fed the family dog the food tainted with melamine. He died. My son was devastated most of all. So we broke down and bought him some new Thomas the Tank Engine toys to ease his heartache. Oops! He's in the hospital with serious lead poisoning. We're hoping he makes it.
Of course, he's in better spirits (when he's awake and lucid and not vomiting) because his sister's right next to him with intestinal problems from the magnets that broke off her Barbie dolls that she swallowed. The doctors mentioned that they might be able to put in a partially artificial intenstine from, where else?, China! We're dubious.
Especially since last week, on his way to the hospital to visit his grandchildren my father-in-laws truck wrecked because the tires on it were made in China and the tread separated.
Anyway, that really was the last straw. We've decided that if our kids make it through okay and live to see another day, we'll give them good safe toys like air rifles.
Factor in the collapse of that bridge under construction and the fire at the tallest building in Shanghai, and we're pretty clear we can't trust a damn thing you make anymore.
All of that considered, best of luck to you and yours.
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