First off the report says:

the officer writes that "intelligence suggests that a pedophile ring in Belgium made an order for a young girl three days before Madeleine McCann was taken.

"Somebody connected to this group saw Maddie, took a photograph of her and sent it to Belgium. The purchaser agreed the girl was suitable and Maddie was taken," the officer wrote.

I have to ask where they got this intelligence. It's extremely detailed. It suggests that they have someone inside this ring in Belgium. Certainly Interpol's not going to confirm if they do, but doesn't the release of this report indicate the same thing? Are they no longer inside the group? More importantly in my mind, if they knew this information, why couldn't they find her?

I really don't want to second guess the police on this, but it just seems like there's more information they're holding back, and I can't figure out what.

My hope is that they did not let her slip through their fingers for the higher cause of justice in the hope that they'll be able to catch more of the pedophile ring. That would be awful.

Alright, next piece.

On Tuesday, the documents revealed a previously undisclosed sighting of Madeleine in the Netherlands shortly after her disappearance.

The possible sighting of Madeleine in May 2007 stemmed from a report by a Dutch shopkeeper, who told authorities she encountered a little girl in Amsterdam, the Netherlands.

She said the child identified herself as Maddie and said she was taken from her mother while on holiday.

"I start to ask where her mommy was," Anna Stam said. "She couldn't tell me that. I wanted to give her a balloon, but she didn't want that. She only wants her mommy, she said. And she said that these people took her from her mommy."

Is this woman telling the truth? Seriously? Does anyone else read this and think

WHAT THE FUCK?

I want to travel to Amsterdam and smack the woman around.

Sorry, I'll stop sounding like Nancy Grace now.

So now what for the McCanns? How to find this girl? How certain are they in this data? And to what end was the report released? I really do hope they find that poor child, and soon.

The Mother Jones article goes into much more detail. I suggest you read it for the details.

To me, the fascinating things about this story are:

1. She was so active in these groups for so long and held so many positions of authority. I've always wondered how someone can act for this long as a double agent without turning for the group they're spying on. I don't think I could do it. I'm too argumentative.
2. The groups she was affiliated with are trying to figure out whether or not she influenced legislative policy and aren't really sure if she did. By all accounts she was energetic in her efforts and worked hard to spread the message of gun control.
3. These groups are not secretive. Their actions, their initiatives, they're all public and available for everyone to read on the web. What was she after, if she even was a mole? Leverage on the people in leadership? It's not clear.
4. Because what they're doing does fall under the classification of "trade secrets" what she's done is apparently legal.

The NRA has refused to comment either way on this case. I actually think that that's the smartest thing for them to do. If they admit to it they look like big assholes (and the NRA doesn't usually need help in that department) but if they deny it, most people won't believe them anyway. Some people view their silence as an admission of guilt, including Mother Jones magazine, but it could just be that the NRA's lawyers have advised their media people to not comment until they're sure they won't face any liability. Who knows? Maybe the gun-control activists need someone on the inside of the NRA to tell them what's going on.

I hear there's this lady named Mary who's supposedly pretty crafty at this kind of stuff. They should hire her.

Other links:

• Pictures of May Lou Sapone/McFate

When I left for vacation I was considering a change in career. I've been kind of burned out on programming and computers in general, and then something cool happened that I can't share fully yet, but someone called me about an opportunity and just that brief contact rekindled a lot of feelings I hadn't had in a while. I wish I could share more, but I can't. Not yet anyway.

So while that was playing out, I had a blast in Ocean City. We went swimming, I rode the tilt-a-whirl with my kids and niece until I was certain I was going to hurl, ate myself silly, totally fell off my diet (and still lost weight! French Fries FTW!), and just had a wonderful time.

Came back, found out that that opportunity that rekindled my interest wasn't going to happen, and was sad, but still happy because I felt renewed.

I picked up with my diet and I lost even more weight, coming in below 300lbs for the first time in forever. I finally am at the point where I need to start shopping for more clothes.

Then I get a call and I'm offered the position of coach for my kids' soccer team and accept. I'm nervous as all get out and excited about the opportunity and can't wait, so I've been working on getting myself ready for that, and then yesterday I got a phone call.

The "someone" has a new opportunity and wants to talk to me.

It's only been 15 days and it's been a whirlwind already. I can't wait to see if it continues.

Life is great.

• John McCain has a history of brokering lasting peace deals. As Lincoln's Undersecretary for War he worked tirelessly for three days at Appomattox to bring the Union and the Confederacy together.
• McCain has always been well-informed on new technologies. He was a beta tester for Alexander Graham Bell.
• McCain has always had the public safety in mind. He was the junior senator on the Smith Commission looking into the sinking of the Titanic.
• He's always been a leader, even at a young age. Noah said that without McCain on board the ark as Senior Animal Handler he would have been lost.

I think these facts shed a whole new light on McCain, and his record of public service. It is indeed unfortunate that the media has not looked at his distinguished history and instead focuses on his age.

Excuse me while I (literally) dance my ass off.

The interesting thing about statements from Gordon Brown, and from the other leaders at G8, is that they were fed a six-course lunch and an eight-course dinner, including increasingly rare items like caviar and salmon. The British press was quick to excoriate Brown, especially because he's stated that solving the problems of world hunger and rising food prices are priorities of his.

I don't know that it's fair to pour all of the blame on Brown. I doubt he planned the menu or had any input into it whatsoever, but I agree that it smacks of hypocrisy for the leaders of these nations to urge restraint while eating

If you're interested in more reading, Wikipedia has an in-depth article on the rising cost of food around the world. The NY Times has an article about the vanishing salmon population.

As a foodie, one of the things that I personally worry about is how best to balance the desire for great food with the overall impact on the environment and the future. The interesting thing is that people like Alice Waters, and the Slow Foods movement have made it cool to eat local and sustainable in ways that weren't a few years ago, which is great. I hope that their way of looking at things continues to spread because we're facing a terrible dichotomy in food. The decent foods, the truly good for you foods, like eggs, lean meats, produce, the non-processed foods, are the ones getting more expensive. The foods that continue to remain cheap and accessible (increasingly) to people around the world are the junk foods, the processed foods, the unhealthy foods that have contributed so much to our other "food crisis": obesity.

Every decade has those bands that were cool but in hindsight represent the worst excesses. Which current bands will we hate to admit liking?

A few come to mind right away, and I love a couple of these bands:

• Broken Social Scene


• Clap Your Hands Say Yeah


• Pussycat Dolls. My wife loves them, so maybe my perceptions a little skewed.


• Coldplay


• Kid Rock

What are your votes?

"This is clearly the soundtrack to Keanu's next movie!"

Happens to me all the time, or it did, until I heard E-Nomine, at which point all other contenders were convincingly bested.

1. If Bill Gates came to you today and offered to underwrite your education and living expenses no questions asked for as long as you needed, where would you go, what would you learn, and why?
2. If you could be taught to make one dish/food/cuisine perfectly every time, what would it be?
3. If tomorrow you were facing execution, what would you want your last meal to be?

I've been troubled with these questions, not because I don't know how to answer them. It's because I do have the answers, I'm just not sure I want to speak them out loud. But I'm not doing myself any favors by dodging them, and I'm just going to continue being tormented if I keep avoiding, so...here are the answers.

1. If Bill Gates came to you today and offered to underwrite your education and living expenses no questions asked for as long as you needed, where would you go, what would you learn, and why?
   I would go to one of three places: Le Cordon Bleu in Paris, The Culinary Institute of America in New York, or the New England Culinary Institute in Vermont. I want to study cooking. Why? It brings me so much joy. I am happiest in a kitchen, amidst the clatter and chaos and rush of preparing meals for people. I love the look of joy on someone's face when I've made them happy with the food I created. I cherish the sounds of joy when they're eating and the food is a delight. I love the construction, the act of making, the creation of a dish. I pour over cookbooks and read different ways to make things. I just finished "A Cook's Tour" last week and now I'm reading "The Making of a Chef". I love to eat, I love to try new foods, I love to try new combinations of spices. I am thrilled when I try to make a dish and it comes out right. Even if I fail and it comes out interesting.

   And while I try to get into the kitchen as often as I can to cook, I feel like a rank amateur, a poseur who knows almost nothing. I feel clumsy and unskilled, and I want to know more. I want to do more. I want to take the next step up from where I am now.
   



2. If you could be taught to make one dish/food/cuisine perfectly every time, what would it be?
   
   
   French Food. I want to learn how to make French Food perfectly. I know that some of you might be surprised given my complete adoration of Indian food and Thai food, or how I will gladly walk to Chinatown any day in any kind of weather to eat authentic dim sum at the Ocean Harbor, but I admire French Food.

   I like that the French, more than a lot of European nations created a culture of food, not just an industry of food, but a true art of cooking. A lot of other cultures seemed to treat food as an afterthought, just fuel for the day. The French turned it into something to be studied, to be written about, to be argued over, pontificated on, to be something perfected, because there is a beauty to perfect food.

   Beyond that, the French have done this not just with the best cuts of meat, or the most palatable, but their whole art revolved around turning some of the strangest cuts of meat, the organ meats, the offal, hooves and tails, into something that's not only palatable, but something that could be celebrated. That's amazing to me. It's inspiring, and I'm constantly awe-struck by it.



3. If tomorrow you were facing execution, what would you want your last meal to be?

   That all being said, my last meal would be rouladen, the way my mother made it when I was a kid, pickled red cabbage, and her potato dumplings. I may idolize French food, but I still derive intense pleasure from German food. I have had near religious experiences in Germany, eating with family. And maybe that's part of where my appreciation for French food comes from.

   My mom is from the Alsace, which is the French/German border region, and so much of the food there crosses cultural lines as well. In the Alsace they don't drink much beer. It's wine country, the land is beautiful, the people are joyful, and the food speaks to that. Every time I go to Germany the food is a revelation, an apocalypse of sorts, the end of one way to thinking, and the beginning of a new way to look at food. When I think of Germany, I think, in large part, about the food. It is holy to me, and if I were to be facing my imminent demise, I would want to eat that food again. I would not only be comforted by it, but also I would feel Communion with God in it. And that's the crux of the issue for me. I have had experiences so powerful with food that I have wept with joy for being able to eat that dish at that moment. I have been transported to states and places by food that are truly indescribable, and if I could learn to harness that power, to give that to other people, I would be very happy.
   

I've never really spoken these thoughts or feelings out loud, and I feel stupid and silly and nervous for airing them, but they are what they are. Those are the thoughts I've been avoiding for a while now.

The problem now is I've answered them, but am I going to do anything with the answers? I don't know yet.

It's one thing to know where you want to go. It's another thing entirely to go there.

I'm feeling very listless and restless today, anxious and unable to concentrate. I don't quite know where to turn for some sort of relief or answer, I just know that I'm overwhelmed today with my own internal burdens.

We're going on vacation in two weeks and I don't feel like I should, because I don't know that things will be in order when I get back, and I really hate that feeling. It's the hazy nature of the future that's biting at me today, a thousand nagging doubts buzzing around my head like gnats, and I've had enough.

And honestly, we're doing alright economically. We don't carry a big credit card debt, I only have one car payment, and our mortgage is manageable, but still, today, on an otherwise pretty summer day, I'm sitting in the near dark of my living room feeling like I should go get a second job.

I'm still sticking with Atkins, because it's working. And please note that when I say Atkins I don't mean that I'm eating bacon by the ton. This is more of a vegetables and meats thing. Today I had meatloaf (breadcrumb free), green beans, red leaf lettuce salad from our garden, and water. I'm stuffed, and I feel great.

The one thing that's amused me so far is how great I feel at places like the pool, even though I'm fat, I'm not as ashamed to take off my shirt. From the outside that's got to look funny, right? "Why does that fat man look so happy to take his shirt off?" But when you consider it, and I do, I feel great about losing 40lbs.

My goal is to hit 215lbs, or a total loss of 37%. I don't know if I'll get below 215, but I've given myself two years to find out. One thing, however, I promise I won't subject you to any shirt off before and after pictures.

McCain has charged $500,000 of campaign expenses on his American Express Platinum card. Instead of selling some of his wife's stock to pay off the bill they're carrying the balance forward.

I find it highly ironic that McCain holds himself up as different from Bush yet is personally pursuing the same kind of fiscal policy Bush has had for the whole nation these past 8 years. How can we trust that he's not going to have the same kind of "We'll pay it off later" mentality that's gotten us so deep in the hole so far when he thinks it's fine to be that with his own money?

Heather and I just watched "Maxed Out" on Sunday and it showed how closely aligned the credit card companies are with the politicians, and how it's helped to create a culture where MBNA can help rewrite the bankruptcy laws to their benefit and no one seems to bat an eye. And this situation is no different. American Express is offering them the credit cards with a 0% interest rate. That's extremely generous, and so maybe it makes a little bit of sense to utilize the cards for financing (in his mind) because he believes he's doing the right thing. But it is still reckless and crazy behavior in my mind, and it amounts to $500,000 in uncontrolled campaign contributions from a major American credit card company. And it's not the behavior of a man who promises to clean up the budget in Washington and balance the books. This is more of the same, and it's disgusting.

In the meantime, Obama is not financing his campaign expenses through credit cards, and has managed to save money for his daughter's college fund to the tune of $250,000.

The amazing thing is that the Republicans are so quick to call Obama an elitist, to imply that he somehow is getting a free pass, and that he's not in touch with the common man. Do you think that McCain, living off of his wife's fortunes and carrying around a limitless credit card with no APR feels the pain of the average American, or the man who's carefully planning and saving for the future?

Who's the real elitist here?

I'm so frustrated.

It was "Shiny Happy People", but still...I wonder if I'm blurring the line a little too much.

Honestly I'm not worried about it as long as they like it, but if someone sees me loading "Satan Says Dance" from Clap Your Hands Say Yeah, slap me.